My Story

I have always known that I was different. Not different in the clothes I wear, or the music I listen to, but in another sense. I’m different in the things I see, the things I feel, and the things I hear. I’ve always been very sensitive, but not sensitive in the way you would initially think. I’m sensitive to the environment, I’m sensitive to the people around me, the energies, both alive and in spirit.

Let me explain; I have always had an insanely sharp intuition. I could gather facts and information coming from a place of knowledge outside of my own lifetime. I never thought about it much though, and I honestly kept a lot of these thoughts to myself. I told myself I was just being a smartass. Regardless, throughout my entire life I have been ASTONISHED by how well I could read someone. I could look at someone, not say a word to them, and know random facts about them.

Here’s an example of the type of intuition I’m trying to describe; I had just gotten to school… it was literally my first full day on campus. I went to a party with my friends, and I knew absolutely no one. From across the room I saw someone who looked so familiar to me, but this was the first time I’ve ever seen him. Out of the 40-something people at that entire party, I saw him. Something, or someone was trying to pull me towards him. It wasn’t physical attraction. It was an extremely weird feeling. I swear I’ve seen him before, but I also haven’t? Confusing, right? Something was telling me we were going to have some sort of relationship. I don’t mean a romantic relationship or anything, but I had a feeling I would formally meet him one day and he would play some type of role in my life.

Four months later, this guy, OUT OF NOWHERE, reached out to me. I got this weird wave of anxiety, and then I felt it leave my body. Keep in mind I’ve never talked to this guy before, I’ve only ever seen him that one time. We hung out a few times, not because I wanted to get to know him, but because I already “knew” him, and I wanted to see if I was right about everything I already “knew.”

I’ve tried to explain this to people before but I’m not sure if people understand exactly what I’m talking about... I would get goosebumps listening to him tell me about himself because it scared me how right I was. Extremely, extremely, small details. I knew his personality, I knew his insecurities, I knew his life at home, and I knew how he likes to organize his stuff. But it was my first time meeting him? Weird. Whatever.

Little, weird things like this are what my life has always consisted of. I’ve always tried to express this to people, but I don’t know if anyone understands. Anyways, I dealt with my anxiety the summer coming into Sophomore year of college. I was gardening one day, when I heard someone tell me that it was time to stop being in denial, I needed to get on a medication for my crippling social-anxiety. Who told me that? I don’t know, but I heard it. Am I schizophrenic? Nope, just keep listening. J

Flash-forward to the fall of sophomore year. I felt GREAT and so much more confident, now that I was on anxiety meds. I remember thinking “wow, this is awesome! Is this what it feels like to be a normal person?” I felt so normal, I loved it. I still had that insanely sharp intuition; I knew I was still much more intuitive than the average human. In fact, I was seeing things clearer. I don’t know how to elaborate further on that. If you get it, you get it. This is when things get weird.

Columbus Day weekend. I was driving home from school with three of my friends. I got so tired out of NOWHERE. I fell into a trance like I’ve never experienced; my mind was still completely conscious, but I was not in control of my thoughts. It was like I had two different parts of my brain: the part that belonged to myself, and the part that belonged to…someone else? This is called lucid dreaming. Lucid dreaming can be a positive experience, unfortunately, this one was not.

I saw fire, I saw a demon. I saw a lot of disturbing images. It reminded me a lot of American Horror Story, but worse. My face was profusely sweating. “Marissa, YOU are in control of your own mind – why are you having these terrible thoughts? Why are you seeing these terrible images?” This is what my subconscious mind reminded myself, in attempt to get out of this terrible and unfamiliar state. In that moment, right after I said that, the demon waved at me. It was their way of saying “you can run but you can’t hide.” I will never forget when that happened because that scared me the most out of anything. It was so weird. I was stuck in this state, and I had a terrible, terrible feeling. I felt like something awful was about to happen.

            Somehow, someway, I was snapped back to reality. Just as I opened my mouth to warn my friends that something bad was going to happen, I saw my friend, in the passenger seat, having a seizure. We were on the highway. I exploded in tears, I felt a sudden charge of pain enter my body and exit. In the most literal sense, I felt all of his pain from that seizure, inside my own body. I understand if that’s a hard concept to grasp, but I truly mean that in the most literal way possible. We all made it out safely, and my friend was fine (he is prone to seizures). But I was still horrified. How the fuck did I know that was going to happen? What were those images I saw in my head? Am I possessed? Is it because I’m born on Friday the 13^th? Is this going to happen again? I was so. Fucking. Scared.

            I went home and did some research. I told my friends and I told my family. I got some crazy looks, and I don’t think anyone really took me seriously. But I knew that what just happened was not normal. I spent hours on google trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I was being told that I was an “empath intuitive” aka a psychic. Nope, not possible. I don’t even believe in psychics myself! I was in denial. I tried telling myself that this was a mistake, and that I’m being crazy by even thinking that could be a possibility. And I tried my very best to ignore the faint voice I heard saying that the websites weren’t lying, that this isn’t something I could just run away from. The voice was also telling me to message a girl from my hometown. Completely random. I’ve never even talked to her in person before, but for some reason I had a feeling she would be able to provide me with some sort of insight to what the hell was going on with me.

            And I was right. Well, the voice was right. I’m a psychic! And so is the girl I messaged. The voice led me to that girl because the voice wanted to provide me with some guidance in accepting this truth about myself. First came a period of denial, then came a period of being scared out of my mind. Then came a period of acceptance. I think I’m currently in the process of embracing the gift. So many weird things have happened over the course of these events. Too much to write so I won’t bother. I understand that gives my story a little less credibility but I have nothing to prove, I wouldn’t go through the time and effort of writing this entire thing if it wasn’t real. This girl (I’m not giving out her name for privacy reasons) told me I would most likely pick up mediumship as well. I rejected that idea immediately. Foolish mistake on my part.

            The girl asked if she could do my natal chart for me. Your natal chart is a short description of your personality, based on your birthday and time of birth. It is based off your sun sign and your moon sign. I’m a Pisces sun and Virgo moon. There was a particular line I read in my birth chart that made my stomach drop to my butt. “All working to your advantage in life are intelligence, practicality, and psychic intuition.” Yup. There it is. I can run but I can’t hide. I’ll make another post about birth charts in the future, and how it gave me answers for my gift.

I’ve come in contact with many spirits over the past few months. I’ve had conversations with them and I’ve been able to deliver messages to people. When I first picked up my mediumship abilities I really thought I was going insane this time. I went to a professional medium to ask for some help, and possibly get some validation that I was not insane after all.

This was my first time meeting her. She began the session by asking me about her grandmother. What? How the hell am I supposed to know what her grandmother is like? She told me to describe the image I get in my mind, and just go along with it from there, so I did. Big chested woman, dark skin and dark hair, very wise and knowledgeable, a good teacher, I would really like her. “You’re doing good” she said. She asked me how her grandmother passed away. In that moment, I saw something so disturbing. I saw someone get hit by a train. I honestly didn’t think that could be right, I thought I was just having some disturbing thoughts, maybe because I was nervous? Regardless, I told her what I saw. The medium told me I was correct, she did get hit by a train, and I was able to receive those messages because her grandmother was sending them to me. My mouth dropped open wide with disbelief. We went back and forth like that for a while, she would ask me to describe her boyfriend (who I’ve also never met), and I would tell her the description I receive. Spot on. That’s when I realized how serious this all is.

Basically, I’ve had this gift since I was born. I’m a psychic medium. My grandfather (who I’ve never met, he passed away before I was even born) latched onto me as a little girl, because he knew that someday he would be able to get through to me. What I mean by that is that he has been guiding me, my entire life, so that I could finally discover this about myself. The voice inside my head? It’s been him this entire time. Psychic mediums often discover their gifts after dealing with issues such as anxiety or depression. That’s why he told me to get on that medication. One time he showed me a picture of a compass, and told me that he has brought every single person into my life for a reason. The goal has been to get me to the place I am now, well-aware that I possess this gift, and ready to embrace it despite any criticism or judgement I’m going to receive. Try me motherfuckers.

Another significant message I’ve received from my grandfather: he told me that he is guiding me for a reason. He provides 24/7 hour protection to me because he wants to prove that he’s a good person. Basically, he went into the war, came home, became an alcoholic, and abused my grandmother pretty badly. Because of this, I never really thought about him much. I tried not to, because I always saw him in a rather negative-light. He’s helping and guiding me through my life to prove that he is a good person who had a falling out. He told me to ask my mother for forgiveness on his behalf. I delivered the message to my mother and she started hysterically crying.

There is so much more to it than just what I write on here. I’ve had a terrible nightmare about suicide, and woken up to text messages from my friends about someone from my high school who committed suicide. That girl who I messaged, who is also a psychic medium - our dreams are connected. We have nightmares on the same nights and she tells me that she can sense when I’m going through a hard time because it’s reflected in her dreams. I can tell when she’s dealing with something too. We both use tarot cards, and we often pull the exact same card for each other. I meditate every night and get shown visuals from spirits. One night I was shown an image of a rainbow, and had no idea what it meant. When I was walking home from class one day, on a completely non-rainy day, I saw a HUGE rainbow overarching my dorm. They were trying to say hi to me. That guy from that party that one time? Oh, we had a romantic relationship in our past lives – casual, right? That’s why I had such an odd feeling of familiarity. That’s why I knew everything about him. As my skills develop I am able to recall events from my past lives. Let me tell you, it’s really fucking weird. The thing is, I get it if I sound crazy. I get it if you don’t believe me. But this is real. This is my life